Saturday, April 05, 2008
i like closures, i dont like to leave things hanging. Thats why i feel that this entry is.. mandatory? its not here because i need you to be informed, its here because i.need.this. then again this is a public domain so read lorh, ive got nothing to hide.
alot of things have taken place of late. i'd have blogged about it earlier but i needed to figure out how i feel about everything first. for those of you who dont know, me and khai broke up. took me by surprise actually because i honestly didnt see it coming, or maybe deep down i already knew it was inevitable but it was something my heart chose to ignore.
of course it hurts. still does, the pain kinda lingers long after and you'd give anything to make it go away. but it doesnt, so you just square your chin and face it straight on. eeks i make myself sound so heroic but god its nothing remotely close. i thank god i have friends who love me enough to be there for me, my outbursts and just basically dragging me through this. im surprised they havent told me to fuck off and die hurhur. i know you love me, no point denying! ;D i dont even have to say thankyou do i? the gratitude's always always there.
no point dwelling on things now. im only 19, such a tender age i realise. but still, life's too short to be spent moping around, crying, reminiscing and whatnots. i wanna move on proper now, i dowanna think about things anymore. my heart, despite the hurt, feels much lighter now. im gonna be selfish now and say that i want my happiness to be my own, i dont want to have to share it with anyone else. but hey, you're welcome to share my pain, anger, hurt, tears anyday man! =D its not about what you feel, but about what you deserve. and i dont think i deserve to be in a relationship that breaks my heart & makes me cry time and again. so enough of that, we'll just take the good out of what has happened and do away with the bad.
you said you'll remember me everyday, well i dont want you to. i want you to keep the memories aside and move on with your life. cos thats what im gonna do, no matter what it takes. my heart's not broken, it simply came to a standstill for a while and now its beating again. so i know im gonna be okay (:
okie dokes on to other things now, my grandma went for her checkup this morning. dear god if you're listening and i know you are, please please please keep her safe and healthy for a long long long time. i love her so much okay, please dont take her away from me. thankyou. and since im at it, please keep me healthy too please. no more maladies because im really looking forward to the errr halal trip in may okay? so please keep my blood count normal, my breathing free and easy, and my body free of excess acid okay. and recently, this damnn persistent mother of all pain at my lower back, make it go away pleaseplease? just until 12th may then after that you can throw everything back at me. okay no wait, liddat i'll die sia. just keep me safe la okay please? me is love you long time.
sometimes i wonder if i can be half as good a friend as you are to me. its amazing that you're still here after all these years. thank you.